


Rien qu'une fois

by highqualitynot



Series: highqualitynot's Parkner Week 2019 [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Baking, Croissants, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Kitchen Safety (sometimes), M/M, Making Out, Mario Kart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, as a sketchy bodega owner, he WOULD okay? he would, i should just tag all my fics with making out at this point, this is a real recipe you can make these, uh. crowley good omens is in this for a second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highqualitynot/pseuds/highqualitynot
Summary: Peter spent weeks thinking of and perfecting The Plan. The Plan required patience, calm, Harley, and croissants.But when it came to Peter and Harley, nothing ever went as planned.---parkner week 2019 day 3 -baking, no powers au,dropped my croissant!





	Rien qu'une fois

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT INFORMATION: 
> 
> it is my personal headcanon that harley can cook, but dislikes baking. meanwhile, peter can bake, but couldn't cook to save his life. harley likes baking if it's with peter. 
> 
> my lovely beta, [harp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacewritingplace) was super helpful with this one especially because the unedited draft has html formatting all over the place. how do they put up with me?? idk i love them tho
> 
> and PLEASE look at the spotify playlist!!! its all [ there ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Ftf5aR07Ha3KcCtfjUe14)!! i figured french pastries should have a french song and by god if rien qu'une fois isn't sappy as HELL. its so sappy. 
> 
> i was an fsl kid which basically means i've almost completed french duolingo but if someone tried to speak to me in french i'd start crying because i barely understand it. however, i do have a french playlist. comes in handy for some things.

Aunt May always said the way to someone’s heart was through their stomach.

It had worked on her, after all. Uncle Ben made her spaghetti bolognese on their second date, and they fell in love pretty much that evening.

So with that advice and example in mind, Peter created A Plan.

The Plan all began with croissants.

Croissants were one of those recipes that Peter knew almost by heart.

He’d made them many times, but never truly memorized the measurements. It was always the process he understood and the details he had to check. 

** Ingredients **

**1 ounce fresh yeast**

Fresh bread wasn't exactly a staple of the kitchen in Stark Tower, so Peter had to run out to the nearest store. 

A man named Anthony with a tattoo of a snake sold him the yeast and a pack of gum from a sketchy little bodega that Peter could have sworn wasn't there the day before. But all bodegas were sketchy, and it wasn't like Peter had a spectacular memory, so who knows?

**3 ½ cups unbleached flour**

The flour in Tony’s pantry was absolutely bleached, but, finding himself unwilling to return to the store, Peter settled for using it.

**¼ cup white or packed brown sugar**

By then, Peter needed Harley to ‘help him find the ingredients’. As often as he went to Stark Tower, he didn't _live_ there. 

But Harley did. And Harley was also willing to help him make the croissants. And Harley was also breathtakingly beautiful and astoundingly kind.

Peter, meanwhile, was more nervous than he had ever been in his life. 

But he had The Plan for a reason. He just had to stick with it.

**2 teaspoons salt**

Tony Stark had a lot of salt. 

**1 cup milk, or more  
** **1 pound unsalted butter  
** **1 egg **

Behind a carton of quail eggs, Peter found two regular chicken eggs. Distantly, he found it odd that Tony had quail eggs, but it seemed very much like the billionaire thing to do.

**2 tablespoons flour, for dusting**

“Is that the recipe?” Harley asked, peering over Peter’s shoulder to look at the little index card in his hands.

“Yeah! I remember all the steps, I just have to check the measurements.” 

“Here's the thing though: Last time we were in the kitchen together, you almost blew up the toaster,” Harley scratched the back of his neck anxiously. “I mean, not to have zero faith in you, but I literally have zero faith in you and I fear for the sanctity of this kitchen.”

“I can bake,” Peter insisted. “Just not cook.”

“They’re like, the same thing.”

“They are not!” Peter said. “Baking is really just following instructions. Cooking involves…”

“Flair? Creativity? Skill?” Harley suggested. 

“Improvisation.”

** Directions **

** 1\. In a mixer with a dough hook, add the yeast, flour, sugar, salt, and milk. Mix for 2 minutes until a soft and moist dough forms on the hook.**

“This recipe requires a lot of patience and more than several hours of chilling,” Peter said, pulling out the (incredibly expensive, utterly exquisite, truly extraordinary) Kitchenaid Stand Mixer and attaching a dough hook onto it. 

“So we’ll have time to hang out in between making the croissants!” Harley poured a few of the ingredients into the bowl earnestly. “Win-win!” 

“Absolutely,” Peter agreed. “Wait, tie up your hair, you fiend!” 

Harley pulled a scrunchie off his wrist, wrinkling his nose. “But isn’t it so cute when it's down?”

“Yeah,” Peter sighed. “Really cute.” 

“Wait, really?” 

“But also unsanitary!” Peter said, too loud and too fast. His cheeks burned. “Put your hair up.”

Harley huffed and lazily tied his honey-coloured curls into a ponytail. “What’s next?”

“How moist is the dough?” 

“Ew, I hate that word,” Harley shuddered. “Moist enough?”

** 2\. Turn mixer on high and mix for another 4 minutes until very smooth and elastic. **

“So is my hair really cute when it's down?” 

Peter laughed painfully, trying not to admit that it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. “Shut up and lemme see how elastic the dough is.” 

**3\. Turn the dough out of the bowl onto a floured board, cover with a damp tea towel and allow it to rest for 15 minutes to relax the gluten. **

Harley leaned on the edge of the counter, raising one incredulous eyebrow. The timer on the oven ticked its way past five minutes to go, slowly reducing. “Relax the gluten?” 

Peter nodded. “That's the goal, yes.”

“I think I need to relax more than the gluten,” Harley mused.

Peter hummed in acknowledgment, digging through a cabinet desperately.

“What’re you lookin’ for?” Harley asked, behind him, leaning over his shoulder. 

The only thing Peter could feel was Harley’s hand on the small of his back. He took a deep breath. “A French rolling pin?”

“How is that different from a normal rolling pin?” 

“It's just like… a big ass stick,” Peter explained.

“Hey, I think there is one of those things!” Harley pulled a classy oak French rolling pin out of a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen.

“Where would I be without you?” Peter said, not entirely joking. 

**4\. Roll the dough into a 10 by 9-inch rectangle 5/8-inch thick. Wrap in plastic then chill for 1 hour.**

For about an hour, Harley absolutely destroyed Peter in Smash. 

**5\. Prepare the butter by beating it into a softened rectangle 6 by 8 ½ inches. Place between parchment paper or plastic wrap and set aside.**

“I feel really bad for that butter,” Peter commented, watching Harley slam the rolling pin onto the counter eagerly.

“Well, I may not have super strength, but I sure do have enthusiasm.” 

**6\. Roll the dough into a 10 by 15 ¼ inch thick rectangle. Place the shorter side of the dough parallel to your body on the work surface, and the butter in the middle. Fold the bottom up over the butter and fold the top down to encase the butter.**

“There's so many instructions. This is making my head spin!” Harley complained, resting the aforementioned head on folded arms a few feet to the left of Peter’s work surface.

“Cooking has lots of specificity too, and you love cooking,” Peter pointed out.

“I love cooking because I just throw everything together, stir it around, add seasoning and get something new every time,” Harley said. “This is so many rules.”

“I know you have a natural aversion to rules, but these aren't too bad,” Peter said. “Not compared to some other French pastries, that is.” 

Harley shuddered. “Please never make macaroons.”

Peter scrunched his nose in distaste, abruptly looking up from the pastry dough before him to glare at Harley. “Macaroons are a shredded coconut dessert that involves very little effort. Macarons, the French almond & meringue cookies, _the ones you’re talking about_, involve a lot of effort.”

“Eh, I’ve heard it both ways.”

“Harley, it's two different desserts! And you can't just make Psych references whenever you mispronounce things!”

**7\. Roll the dough back out into a 10 by 15 ¼ inch rectangle. Fold into thirds to complete the first turn.**

“How many turns are there?” Harley asked.

“Minimum three, but you can go crazy, ah, go stupid, and basically just keep doing them forever. Three, four and six are the most common choices,” Peter said. 

“And it chills for an hour every time?” 

“Minimum, yeah,” Peter wrapped the dough tightly in plastic wrap, sliding it into the fridge. 

“I’m gonna kick your ass in Smash again!” Harley whooped. 

Peter closed the fridge door and shot Harley his best puppy eyes. “No, let’s play something else! Something fun…”

Harley softened faster than the butter inside the croissant dough. “Uh-huh, okay. What do you want to play?”

**8\. Turn a second and third time minimum. Once it has chilled for another hour, roll it out to a 13 by 24 inch square (about a ¼ inch thick). Cut out and shape the croissants. **

“Peter, you can't use creative mode forever!” 

Harley’s Minecraft skin was a cowboy, sure in its pursuit of Peter’s custom Spider-Man skin.

“Why did you turn on PVP? Harley, why?” Peter yelped. 

The timer went off for the croissants, finally.

“Hold on, are they finally chilled?” Harley asked, standing up to go look. 

“Yeah! We can cut them out now,” Peter said, pulling the dough free from its plastic wrap. 

“How weirdly complex is that gonna be?”

**9\. Cut the dough into 6 inch strips, then into triangles. Stretch the triangles to 9 inches long and place scrap dough into the wide end. Roll the triangles up. Place them two inches apart and tuck the ends in for a crescent shape. Freeze or egg wash accordingly.**

Harley held a misshapen croissant up to his mouth. “What d’ya think?” 

“I think I’m too lazy to freeze these, so I’ll just egg wash them,” Peter said, gently tucking the end of a croissant beneath it on the Silpat. 

“I meant about my smile.”

“Your smile…” Peter closed his eyes, warm filling his chest. “It's really beautiful, Harley. Makes me happy.”

“What, for real?” Harley laughed. “This is the ugliest croissant ever made!”

Horror replaced the warmth in Peter’s chest. His ears burned from the embarrassment. Peter had A Plan, and he was going to stick to The Plan. The Plan required patience.

He slowly turned to face Harley, who still held the tragic croissant. In a last-ditch attempt to save it, he curled the ends to form a mustache. 

“Not very croissant shaped, but it makes a nice mustache,” Peter said.

Harley nodded in satisfaction.

**10\. Proof the croissants in a warm oven with a pan of water for 1 ½ hours, until spongy.**

“It’s moist in there.”

“Oh, fuck you, Parker.”

“Shouldn't we at least have dinner first?” Peter batted his eyelashes dramatically.

“I haven't had dinner because I wanna have your croissants for dinner!” Harley whined. 

“Get some leftover lasagna, holy shit,” Peter said. “One cannot survive exclusively on late-night pastries anyway, Harley.” 

Harley grumbled something angry but had dinner anyway.

**11\. Spritz a preheated 425F oven with water. Place the croissants in the oven and spritz again. Turn the oven to 400F. After 10 minutes, rotate the pan and turn the oven to 375F. Bake another 5 to 8 minutes until golden brown.**

“It’s so late now!” Harley complained, watching Peter adjust the temperature a final time.

“It’s gonna be worth it, I swear,” Peter told him. “Five more minutes, that's all.”

Harley turned to look at him and he was upset, watery eyes and furrowed brows. 

“You… uh… you did eat that lasagna?” Peter managed. 

“But I want to eat _your_ food,” Harley whispered. His hand rose up, resting lightly on Peter’s cheek. 

Peter nodded dumbly. “It’ll just be… a few more minutes. That’s all.”

“That’s so _long_, ugh.”

“It’s not that long. If we aren't careful, they could burn, left in there a few minutes too long.”

Harley was biting his lip, looking from Peter’s eyes, down to his lips, then back up again. 

The Plan required patience. The Plan required Peter to wait until the croissants were finished and then offer one to Harley and ask him if he was interested in a date. The Plan...

“Oh, dammit!” Peter hissed. Fuck The Plan! “Who cares if the croissants burn!”

He threw his arms around Harley’s waist and kissed him. Harley’s lips were soft, his eyes shut tight. Peter pulled his hair out of the ponytail it had been forced into at the start.

Harley kissed back enthusiastically, but broke the kiss a few moments later. “Um, I care if they burn?” 

Peter smiled into their kiss, determined to completely map out the inside of Harley’s mouth using his tongue. “Mmm, well…”

As if on cue, the timer finally went off. Harley’s blue eyes were suddenly wider than the sky, amazement filling them as Peter pulled the tray out of the oven.

“They look so good!” He cheered.

“You look so good,” Peter told him, and pulled Harley down to kiss him again. 

**12\. Enjoy!**

The croissants were a little cold when they finally got back to them, but tasty nonetheless.

Peter got down on one knee with a flourish. He held the misshapen Mustache Croissant out to Harley. “Harley, will you be my boyfriend?” 

Harley pulled him to his feet and kissed him until he was dizzy and his knees were wobbly. 

“Absolutely yes,” he breathed.

Maybe it wasn't quite The Plan, but it was pretty spectacular anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me in [hell](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com/) aka tumblr
> 
> also give love to [harp](rel=). always give love to harp but give them more love right now
> 
> (psst! the playlist is on [ spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Ftf5aR07Ha3KcCtfjUe14) if u haven't yet checked it out!)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!! parkner week has been so much fun so far. i've written some fun fics, i've met a ton of cool people who i LOVE, i've seen and read so much parkner content that my SOUL is finally satisfied,,, this is really nice y'all.


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